Unbelievable Deals: Your Dream New Albany Getaway Awaits at Best Western!
Okay, buckle up, because we're diving headfirst into a review of [Insert Hotel Name Here - you didn't give me one!], warts and all. Forget the polished brochure – you're getting the real deal. And hey, SEO be damned, this is about experience, baby!
Let's kick things off with, well, kickable things…
Accessibility: The Good, The Bad, and the Stairwell of Doom (Maybe?)
Alright, real talk. This is CRUCIAL. Is this place a pain for anyone with mobility issues? I need to know! (And remember I can't actually stay there so I'm making educated guesses based on the offered amenities).
- Wheelchair Accessible (Likely Good): If they're listing this, hopefully, they mean it. Ramps, elevators, the works. But check it, CHECK IT. Don't just believe the website. Call and grill them. Ask about the width of doorways, the height of the beds, the whole shebang. Be that annoying person. Your comfort is worth it.
- Facilities for Disabled Guests: Another hopeful sign, but specifics matter. Are there grab bars? Roll-in showers? The devil’s in the details.
- Elevator: A must-have. Pray it works.
- (Missing Info - A Problem!): They haven't told me about how well it works or even the location… major fail!
Alright, now on to things like "check-in/out" which are important.
- Contactless Check-in/out: Good, but not a game-changer. Still, less human interaction is sometimes a win.
- Check-in/out [Express] & [Private]: Express is great for a quick getaway but I have no idea about "Private" which might be my favorite. I like to check in with the privacy of a rich man!
Okay, Let's Get Connected! Internet, Oh, Internet!
This is a modern necessity. No internet, no happy traveler.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: Hallelujah! (assuming it actually works). This is crucial. I need to stream cat videos. Don't judge.
- Internet Access - LAN: Ok, for the dinosaurs among us. Still a plus for those who can't live without ethernet. Probably not something many will utilize.
- Internet Services: What are these? Laundry? Maybe. I sure hope so.
- Wi-Fi in public areas: "Public areas" are the key word here. Is the signal strong enough to make a decent TikTok, or am I going to lose my mind with the buffering?
Things to Do and Ways to Unwind - The Spa, The View, and the…Gym?
We're talking relaxation and some form of exercise. This is my jam! You know how stressed I get planning a trip, just to review a hotel which does not exist? I need to unwind!
- Pool with a view: This is where I'd be spending most of my time. A pool with a view is the ultimate vacation flex. Bonus points if it's infinity edge. (I'm dreaming here!).
- Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom: I love these! I'm so in.
- Swimming Pool [outdoor], Swimming pool: Pools are also great! Let me swim and then go to the spa!
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: Ugh. Fine. Maybe I'll hit the gym. But only if the view from the treadmill is amazing. And if they have decent air conditioning. (I sweat. A lot.).
- Massage, Body scrub, Body wrap: YES, YES, YES! Sign me up! Full-body relaxation is ESSENTIAL.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - Where the Real Fun Begins…and Where I Judge Heavily
This is where hotels REALLY win or lose. Food is life.
- Restaurants, A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant: Great. I like options. *Do they *taste* good, though?* That's the big question. Variety is the spice of life.
- Bar, Poolside bar, Coffee shop: Need a bar. Need a poolside bar. Need coffee. Don't let me down.
- Happy hour: Crucial. I'm all about the discounts. Because I'm not rich.
- Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service, Asian breakfast, Western breakfast: I'm a big fan of a solid breakfast. Buffets are great, but if the room service breakfast is epic, I might stay in my pajamas all day.
- Desserts in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Salad in restaurant: More options are always a plus!
- Bottle of water Always a welcome addition!
- Room service [24-hour]: This is the real vacation flex. Late-night snacks, midnight coffee, the works. Heaven.
Cleanliness and Safety: Because Nobody Wants a Germ Fest!
We’re living in weird times. Clean becomes paramount.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hygiene certification, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment. This is all positive, of course, but it better be executed well!
- Hand sanitizer: Should be everywhere.
- First aid kit, Doctor/nurse on call: Reassuring for peace of mind.
- Safe dining setup: Another big win for the times.
- Cashless payment service: Convenient.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Good.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Important.
Services and Conveniences - The Perks That Make a Trip Special
These things can make the difference between a good stay and a great one.
- Concierge: Crucial for booking tours, getting reservations…basically, making my life easy.
- Laundry service, Dry cleaning, Ironing service: Hello, vacation wardrobe!
- Daily housekeeping: Hallelujah! I'm not the tidiest person.
- Air conditioning in public area, Elevator, Luggage storage, Non-smoking rooms, Smoking area, Safety deposit boxes These are all great!
- Business facilities, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Seminars: For you business travelers!
- Food delivery: Fantastic!
- Gift/souvenir shop: For the souvenirs!
- Currency exchange: Helpful for the international guests!
- Convenience store, Doorman, Facilities for disabled guests, Invoice provided, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center, These are all great additions!
- Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: I love having a car. I'm all about the transportation options.
For the Kids – Making Everyone Happy (Or at Least, Trying To)
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Important for families.
Available in all rooms:
- Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Window that opens. Wifi [free]: This all sounds amazing!
Getting Around - How Do You Get There?
- Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car parking and taxi service is a bonus!
The Heart of the Matter: My Emotional Reactions - Imagine I Was Actually There!
- The Good: Imagine walking into that pool area. Sunshine, the gentle hum of conversation, and a cocktail in my hand… That's the dream. Pure bliss. The spa? Book me a massage now!
- The Quirks: I'd be SO checking out the "Shrine" – what IS it? A tiny meditation room? A kitschy installation? This is the kind of weird I love!
- The Imperfections: I am super anxious about the elevator. Don't get trapped in the elevator!
- **The Judgment
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because you're about to get a front-row seat to my disastrously wonderful, gloriously imperfect, and slightly chaotic trip to… wait for it… New Albany, Indiana. Yes, the very place. And where did I choose to shack up? The Best Western. Don't judge. It’s the budget traveler's battle cry, okay? Let’s see if I can even put this into some kind of passable order… here goes… my attempt at a travel itinerary: and keep in mind, I'm writing this still in rumpled hotel-room clothes, fueled by lukewarm coffee and existential dread.
Day 1: Arrival and the "Welcome to Indiana" Blues
- 1:00 PM: Landed in Louisville (ugh, airports). The flight was a nightmare. Tiny seat, guy next to me breathed like a velociraptor, and the in-flight entertainment was mostly static. Managed to snag an Uber.
- 2:00 PM: Check-in at the Best Western. Okay, the lobby. Smells… of something. Can't quite put my finger on it. Clean enough, though. I'm gonna give it a solid… B-? Friendly enough staff, bless their hearts. They probably see a lot of sleep-deprived, over-caffeinated messes like myself.
- 2:30 PM: Room. Okay. Bedspread looks like it's from the early 90s, but hey, at least the sheets seem clean. Crosses fingers. I unpack… or, more accurately, I dump my suitcase onto the bed.
- 3:00 PM: Hunger pangs hit. I should probably eat something. "TripAdvisor" to the rescue (God, I hate that website sometimes). Apparently, there are some local diners. I should brave the unknown.
- 4:00 PM: Found the "Old Town Diner." Perfect. Classic greasy spoon. I ordered a burger that was… not bad, actually! But the coffee: weakest coffee I've ever tasted. I swear, it tasted like dishwater. The waitress, bless her heart, asked if everything was okay with such sincerity, that I just nodded and smiled. I didn't have the heart to tell her.
- 5:30 PM: Strolled around downtown New Albany. It’s… small. Charming, in a "time forgot" kind of way. I saw a sign for a bakery, but it was already closed. I am a sad cookie, and the prospect of missing out on sweet treats in my first day made me grumpy.
- 7:00 PM: Watched some terrible TV in the hotel room. Found a channel showing a marathon of… (shudders) reality TV. I’m too tired to change channels.
- 9:00 PM: Trying to sleep. Hotel sounds: air conditioning humming, distant sirens, and some guy in the hallway who sounds like he’s building a Lego set. No chance.
- 9:30 PM: Watched some more TV, I couldn't sleep! Frustration.
- 10:30 PM: Gave up on sleep. Stared out the window, watching the streetlights. Thinking some deep thoughts. Or maybe just thinking about if I should order another burger.
Day 2: The Falls of the Ohio and a Revelation
- 8:00 AM: Woke up feeling like I had been run over by a truck. Hotel breakfast was a disaster: rubber eggs and stale toast. I survived, though. I felt like I was going to throw up, so I made my way back to my room.
- 9:30 AM: Okay, the Falls of the Ohio State Park. This is Indiana's chance to redeem itself. The website promised something about fossil beds.
- 10:00 AM: Arrived at the park. Walked the trails. The Ohio River is, shall we say, brown. But the fossil beds? Unreal. I spent an hour poking around, feeling like a mini-Indiana Jones. I even found a fossil! (Or, at least, something that kinda looked like a fossil.) I was so excited.
- 11:30 AM: Realized (again) just how badly I need coffee.
- 12:00 PM: Found a little coffee shop in a nearby town. It was adorable. They made a decent latte. Heaven. I feel like I'm a new person, finally ready to embrace my trip in its entirety. I also bought a pastry.
- 1:00 PM: Okay, I spent far too much time in that coffee shop, but I didn't care.
- 2:00 PM: I walked back into town. Found a brewery with a promising patio. Perfect.
- 3:00 PM: I wanted to go to a museum in town. It was small. Which made me feel safe.
- 5:00 PM: Back to the hotel for a shower. I can't believe I didn't want to go home.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner: some mediocre pizza. (But I didn't care, I had a beer in the afternoon.)
- 7:00 PM: Walked around, again! My legs feel like they had been going for days.
- 8:00 PM: Back to hotel. I am so tired.
- 9:00 PM: Trying to sleep.
Day 3: Departure and the Lingering Smell of… Something
- 7:00 AM: Sigh. Hotel breakfast. More rubber eggs. I am so over this.
- 8:00 AM: Checked out.
- 8:30 AM: Uber to the airport. Goodbye, New Albany! (And the lingering scent of… whatever that was in the hotel lobby…)
- 10:00 AM: Flight. Finally! Home. I hope.
Musings and Rambles:
- The best part of the trip? The fossil beds. Seriously, who knew Indiana had such cool history?
- The worst part? The coffee. And the TV. And probably the hotel breakfast.
- I have a newfound appreciation for small towns. They may not be glamorous, but they have their own… something.
- I feel like I have enough material for a short story, maybe?
- I'm already planning my next trip.
- I need to buy a better suitcase. And coffee.
- And maybe a therapy session after that TV marathon.
So, yes. A messy, imperfect, and utterly human trip to New Albany, Indiana. Did I have the perfect vacation? Ha. No. Did I enjoy myself? Absolutely. Would I go back? Probably not anytime soon, but who knows. The world is full of surprises, just like that weird smell in the Best Western lobby. And maybe, just maybe, I kind of miss it already. (Don't tell anyone.)
Thailand: Unveiling the Kingdom's Hidden Gems (Before They're Gone!)
Why am I even *doing* this? Seriously, what's the point of this FAQ?
Ah, the existential dread has already crept in. I feel you. Honestly? I think I'm doing this because someone *told* me to. And because, deep down, I secretly enjoy the sound of my own voice (or, you know, the digital equivalent). Also, maybe, just maybe, someone out there might actually *learn* something. Or at least get a chuckle. That's the dream.
What are we *really* going to talk about here? Because I'm already bored.
Okay, okay, I hear you. This is the "What's the Subject?" question, isn't it? Well, brace yourself, because the scope of this is a bit… wide. We’re going to touch on a lot of stuff. Like, a *lot* a stuff. Expect topics ranging from the mundane (like, "Did you eat breakfast?") to the slightly more profound (like, "Why is my cat judging me?"). Okay, maybe I was kidding about the profound part. But, you know, *life*. It’s messy.
Is this all going to be depressing? I'm already having a bad day.
Look, I'm a realist. Life does tend to have its downers and there are times where I feel like throwing hands up in the air. Sometimes I am like, "oh god, this is such a disaster". But! I'm also an optimist (or at least, I *try* to be one). So, while I might share some of my own screw-ups (and trust me, there are many), I'm hoping to sprinkle in some humor, some hope, and maybe even a dash of inspiration. I'm aiming for "relatable chaos," not just "existential dread." I promise. Probably. Fingers crossed.
Are you going to be honest? Or just spout the usual marketing fluff?
Okay, so here's the deal. I *hate* fluff. I mean, seriously, give me something real, something raw, or get out. I'm planning on being brutally honest. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be a jerk. It just means I’ll be telling it like it is (or, at least, how *I* see it). Think: a friend who's willing to tell you that your new haircut is a disaster, but still gives you a hug afterward. Maybe with a side of dark humour to lighten the load, and also a lot of self-doubt. This is also me trying to avoid liability if it ever does go south.
Alright, let's talk about the *one thing* that really bugs me. What's your absolute worst experience?
Oh, you just *had* to go there, didn't you? Okay, fine. Pull up a chair, get a drink. This is going to take a while. It all started, really, with a cat. A very *judgey* cat. This cat, oh lord it was bad. It was a rescue, and it was supposed be a sweet, fluffy bundle of… well, cuteness. But from day one, Mittens (yes, that's what she was called - don't judge) made her disdain for me *very* clear. She'd give me the side-eye, flick her ear in annoyance, and generally act like I was the dumbest, most offensive thing she'd ever encountered.
Then came the incident. The Great Salmon Incident of '23, it shall be known as in my memory. I'd made a lovely salmon dinner. Beautiful. Seemed good. She was there, pacing, judging. And then? She jumped. Right onto the counter. And then... she ate my salmon. The entire thing. And then, the worst part? *She looked at me, burped, and walked away.* The sheer audacity! The insult! I was defeated. Absolutely destroyed. I went and ate a whole tub of ice cream after, probably.
Will you *actually* answer my specific questions? Or just ramble on about cats and salmon?
Okay, okay, you're right. I can get a little carried away. But yes, I'll try my best to answer your questions. Send 'em over! But be warned: my answers might involve tangents, anecdotes, and the occasional outburst of… well, you'll see. And I cannot promise any answers, or the correct ones. Life just doesn't work like that.
What are the plans? What should I expect?
Well, as I said, it's all fairly messy. There's no grand plan. I'll just respond until people get bored or I run out of things to say. And maybe, just maybe, we can laugh together. I'm good with that. And I am also very open to suggestions! Feel free to ask what you want.
Okay, you've convinced me (maybe). How can I get in touch?
You can't. Haha, that's the beauty of this, it's what is. But don't let that stop you from thinking, and from shouting at your screen/phone/tablet.
